What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
09.06.2025 08:03
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
One cannot live in the past .
What is your review of The Office (U.S. TV series)?
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
What was your most embarrassing and humiliating bare bottom spanking?
I write beautiful poetry .
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
What’s the saddest thing you’ve seen at your job?
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Im still living with it.
Summer Game Fest June 2025: Everything announced - Eurogamer
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Can you share a story of someone who had a lucky experience while hitchhiking?
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
This is soul school!.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
My family never makes their pension either.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I said to her
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Is the Chinese economy currently collapsing? If not, what could potentially cause it to collapse?
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
What isइस संसार में पहले भागवान आया की इंसान?
And i lived it daily.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
I was very sick at this time too.
Should women be allowed in “combat roles” within the military?
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I was scared of men, in general
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Isn’t freedom of speech and expression an absolute right?
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Put me off passion for life!!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
But ive been too sick for many years..
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Comes on , in middle age.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I don,t even have a pension.
But it wasn’t much.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
So, i spoilt her more .
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
She found it foreign!.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I never cut or harmed myself..
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Would this be the day?
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
She was in good health!
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
(And it was in our own minds.)
Especially a lifetime of it.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
I waited trembling.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
She loved him until the end.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
She married twice! .
We all went to grammer schools
As i do to all so called friends.?
Where the ultimate outsiders.
I was 9 years of age.
I think the readers, may guess!
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
I did it because my mum asked me too!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Was to survive, this bastard.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
I have no regrets .
I couldn’t, believe it.
So whats the point in blame.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
It was going to be , some day.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Im dying but, im not bitter.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
He resisted the act ,that day.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
My life is so biszare .
And who doesn’t know suffering?
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Why did i forgive my father ?
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Who then, do I blame.?
What did i know ?
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
When she asked me how she looked .
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
I could never make a relationship work though!
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
He knew the spot.
I was seconnd youngest,
All the time i was locked up.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
But, we were locked up after school.
Ive learnt so much.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
She wouldn,t have been !
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I will be 64.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
We were not on the streets..
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.